by Trey & Lea | April 27th, 2019

Whoever said, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” didn’t know what they were talking about! The truth is that our words can make or break our relationships and we need to commit to using our words wisely. Never say the following…

  1. 1. “YOU’RE SO STUPID.” (or a jerk, or idiot).” Name-calling shouldn’t ever be a part of marriage.
  2. 2. “MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST GET A DIVORCE.” Never threaten divorce because you’re angry. Removed the divorce word from your marriage.
  3. 3. “IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.” Blaming 100% of the problem on your spouse isn’t fair. Don’t blame, look for ways to fix.
  4. 4. “I NEVER LOVED YOU.” There is no bigger lie uttered by people. There was love when you married, or you wouldn’t have married. If the flame has died, work to reignite it.
  5. 5. “MARRYING YOU WAS A MISTAKE.” Not a phrase that builds up your marriage, it simply tears down.
  6. 6. “WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE SO-IN-SO’S HUSBAND OR WIFE.” It’s totally unfair to compare your mate to what someone else might be.
  7. 7. “MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU.” or “YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER.” No, just no! Don’t bring outside family into it.
  8. 8. “I TOLD YOU SO.” Even if you did, don’t rub your spouse’s nose in it. A good rule to remember in arguments is, if you’re wrong apologize, and if you are right then shut up.
  9. 9. “I’M SORRY, BUT…” Don’t ever include an excuse with a sincere apology. When you do, it makes the apology not seem legit.
  10. 10. “FINE, BUT DON’T EXPECT SEX FROM ME.” Whether it’s communication, affection, time spent together or sex, withholding needs from your spouse because you are made … is wrong. Just don’t.

by Trey & Lea | February 23rd, 2019

There is some bad marriage advice out there. We don’t know where some of these got started, but they are WAY off the mark.

  1. 1. YOU SHOULDN'T BE YOUR SPOUSE'S BEST FRIEND: Actually studies show that the divorce rate drops to 20% in couples who feel as though they are married to their best friend.
  2. 2. ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER: Long absences from your spouse are actually very hard on your marriage. While occasional times away may make the heart grow fonder, being gone all the time from your spouse does the opposite. Separation is hard on marriages.
  3. 3. MARRIAGE IS EASY IF YOU JUST FIND THE RIGHT PERSON: Don’t believe this. First, marriage isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. Second, marriage isn’t as much about finding the right person as it is being the right person.
  4. 4. YOUR KIDS SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST: Obviously, we need to make sacrifices for our children, but too many couples put their marriage on hold while they are raising kids only to wind up with an “empty nest” and an empty marriage at the same time.
  5. 5. WHEN THE SPARK IS GONE, THE MARRIAGE IS OVER: No, when the spark has disappeared, reignite the spark! If your car runs out of gas, you don’t go buy another car, you FILL IT UP! When a light goes out in your house, you don’t buy a new house, you change the light bulb. Don’t throw out your marriage – work to make it good again.
  6. 6. IGNORE PROBLEMS AND THEY’LL EVENTUALLY GO AWAY: That’s a myth. Sweeping things under-the-rug only makes for worse problems later. When you are having issues in your marriage, fix them.
  7. 7. YOUR SPOUSE WILL KNOW YOUR NEEDS WITHOUT HAVING TO TELL THEM: No way. Just because you are married doesn’t mean your spouse can read your mind. You have to tell your spouse what your needs are in order to have them met.
  8. 8. IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS OR CONFLICT, YOU HAVE A BAD MARRIAGE: Conflict happens in every marriage. There will never be a perfect marriage, because there are no perfect people.
  9. 9. GOD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY: “I believe God wants me to be happy in marriage, but I’m not,” has been muttered a million times. Understand this, we DO believe God wants you to be happy, but not to the point of checking out on your marriage just because you don’t “feel” happy. The feelings of happiness in marriage come and go … and you have to work to keep it going well. You will not be happy all of the time. Love doesn’t check out in hard times, AND your spouse isn’t solely responsible for your happiness.
  10. 10. GET MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: Danger! You are headed down a path of trouble if you’re sharing marriage problems with someone of the opposite sex. Stop it now, because that’s how affairs start.

by Trey & Lea | December 4th, 2018
  1. 1. DON’T GET COMFORTABLE: Comfortable is for house shoes and old recliners, not marriage. In the best marriages, couples work just as hard to keep their spouse as they did to win their spouse.

  2. 2. TALK: Couples feel in love because they spend time talking; don’t stop communicating once you’re married. Continue to take time everyday to talk.

  3. 3. PUT YOUR SPOUSE BEFORE YOUR KIDS: Don’t fall into the rut of being so focused on raising kids that the focus on marriage is lost. Strengthen your marriage by dating regularly, taking occasional overnight trips, etc.

  4. 4. BE WILLING TO ADAPT: You will change, your spouse will change, and your family will change. Be willing and ready to adapt to changes such as having kids, or kids leaving home.

  5. 5. STRIVE TO MEET YOUR SPOUSE'S NEEDS: Those long marriages that we all desire to have are made up of couples who continually strive to meet one another’s needs … not just their own.

  6. 6. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY: Strive to always give your spouse your best when it comes to your emotional, physical, or spiritual health. Take care of yourself physically.

  7. 7. COMPLEMENT ONE ANOTHER REGULARLY: Newlyweds do a great job of overlooking the things they find annoying about their spouse, while at the same time, focusing on the things they love about their spouse. Overtime, if you’re not careful, these can get reversed. Be a constant encourager in your marriage, not a constant critic.

  8. 8. ENJOY ONE ANOTHER'S COMPANY: As you grow older, continue to find common interests. Find ways to enjoy spending time with one another.

  9. 9. DRESS UP, NOT JUST DOWN: Back to point number one – it’s easy to get too comfortable in marriage. If you find yourself always dressing down for your spouse, it’s time to dress up. Dress up and go on a date. Wear something your spouse will find attractive.

  10. 10. ALWAYS BE HONEST: Don’t let time change the openness and honesty in your marriage. Always be honest.

  11. 11. CONTINUE TO BE INTIMATE: The main thing that separates roommates from soulmates is intimacy. Always work to keep the fires burning.

by Trey & Lea | October 4th, 2018

Below are ten simple things that will bless your marriage. Let us know what you think!

  1. 1. SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER. Make a commitment to spend more time together this year. One of the best things you can do is commit to a weekly date night with your spouse. This may take you sitting down together with your spouse and planning out your schedule.

  2. 2. BRAG ON YOUR SPOUSE REGULARLY. Any old lame critic can pick out someone’s faults; instead focus on pointing out your spouse’s strengths.

  3. 3. BE MORE SEXUAL. Touch, flirt, hug and have sex together. Make your marriage sizzle, and as one author put it, “A married couple’s sex-life is a great measuring stick of how their relationship is doing.” A healthy sex-life most often equals a healthy marriage.

  4. 4. PRAY TOGETHER. Men, this is where you MUST step up and be a man. Take the lead on this and do it. Your wife will love you for it.

  5. 5. DON'T BE HISTORICAL. Fight fair. Don’t bring up past hurts and things you’ve already forgiven your spouse of.

  6. 6. CHECK IN. It’s respectful to check with your spouse and let them know where you are, what you are doing and when you might be home.

  7. 7. HAVE ONE MEAL A DAY TOGETHER. Turn off the electronics and just visit with your spouse and your children.

  8. 8. DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY WITH ONE ANOTHER. Simple enough.

  9. 9. FORGIVE. The key to being successful in real estate is location, location, location. The key to being successful in marriage is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. Marriage is made up of two imperfect faulty people. We make mistakes … so learn to forgive.

  10. 10. DATE. Date night should be a regular weekly activity if it's not already. We hear couples say all the time, "We had so much fun when we were dating," and we always reply, "Why have you stopped?" Date ... it's fuel for your marriage.

10 Ways To Put Some SPARK Back In Your Marriage

by Trey & Lea | August 14th, 2018

We laughed recently when we heard a woman say, “If my husband ever says there is no spark in our relationship, I’m going to taz him. Then when he wakes up, I’ll ask him if he still feels that way.” That’s not the way to bring a spark back into your relationship, but here are 10 good ways (and much less painful 😜)…

  1. 1. TELL YOUR SPOUSE YOU APPRECIATE THEM: Refocus on what your spouse does well. Early in the relationship we tend to notice all our spouse’s great qualities, while overlooking their flaws. As marriage goes on, we tend to become guilty of noticing all of their flaws while overlooking their great qualities. Say “thank you” for the little things.
  2. 2. DO THE THINGS YOU ONCE DID: Visit back before you were married, when you were in the process of trying to win your spouse, you did things like … flirt, brag on one another, call for no reason, send flowers, leave notes for one another, etc. Go back to doing the things you did pre-marriage to win one another. Work as hard to keep your spouse as you did to win them in the beginning.
  3. 3. WATCH AN OLD MOVIE THAT YOU BOTH LOVE: After the kids are in bed, pick out a romantic comedy or action movie and snuggle up on the couch.
  4. 4. WATCH YOUR OLD WEDDING VIDEO: Pull out that old wedding video and watch it together. It will bring back some great memories and laughs.
  5. 5. DO SOMETHING FUN TOGETHER: Most of the time when marriages struggle, it’s not due to a lack of love, but a lack of friendship. You build friendship by spending time together and doing things together. Pick out some things you like to do together, and get after it.
  6. 6. GO ON A FANCY DATE: We love to date, and occasionally we love to go on a fancy date. So dress up, wear something your spouse likes, eat somewhere nice and go see a special play, etc. Don’t forget to bring the “romance” back home with you.
  7. 7. PLAN A WEEKEND ADVENTURE: If you can get the kids lined out, plan a weekend for just the two of you. This is so healthy for your relationship.
  8. 8. SEND A SPECIAL MESSAGE: Send a love letter to your spouse via snail mail or a sexy text message. Your spouse will love it.
  9. 9. HAVE MORE SEX: Be spontaneous: have it during the day or in a different place. Don’t be afraid to try something different. Intimacy is what separates soulmates from roommates.
  10. 10. BE INTERESTED: Show interest in your spouse’s day. Greet them with a hug and kiss and ask them about their day … and then listen closely with your eyes and your ears.

Pride Goes Before The Fall

by Trey & Lea | July 13th, 2018

A month or so ago, a lady saw Lea and I being affectionate with one another while waiting in line at a restaurant. She asked, “Are you guys honeymooners?” That made me feel great as I thought, “YES, people notice that we’re practicing what we’re preaching on this marriage stuff…”

THEN … this past week the opposite happens. Lea and I were working down at her little store. While I was helping her hang a few items on a wall, she was supposed to hold a spot I’d marked on the wall for the nail to go. Before I was ready, she moved her finger and lost the spot …

ME (A little frustrated and with a little bit of tone): Why did you move your finger?!?!

HER: I’m so sorry. I guess my brain just went on hold for a second.

ME (Still sounding a bit frustrated): Okay, I guess we can start all the way over … again.

(At that moment a lady in the store that knows exactly who we are, and has overheard our conversation and my tone, pipes up and says … )

LADY: Hey, I know this really good marriage workshop you guys should try to attend. It would probably help (she says with a teasing smile).

Busted. Yip, I’ve still got work to do. And yes, pride goes before a fall.

5 Reasons To Consider Scheduling Sex In Your Marriage

by Trey & Lea | May 30th, 2018

We are schedule people. We schedule important things like doctor’s appointments, workouts at the gym and activities for your kids. So why not schedule sex into your calendar? Some may say when it comes to scheduling sex, “Sex should be spontaneous,” or “Scheduling intimacy will take the romance out of it.” But the truth is, scheduling sex between you and your spouse may be one of the most brilliant decision you can make for your relationship. Here are 4 good reasons to consider scheduling sex into your calendar …

1. IF IT ISN’T SCHEDULED, IT MAY NOT HAPPEN: The reason we use a calendars is to carve out time for the things that matter. Sex in your marriage relationship matters very much, so marking a time for it among the other important parts of your life is not only wise, but it will go a long way toward ensuring that the intimacy actually happens.

2. IT GETS YOU IN THE MOOD: When lovemaking is scheduled and kept on the front-burner, it builds anticipation, and both husband and wife begin to prepare physically, emotionally and mentally for it.

3. HONESTLY, ADMIT IT, IT STRENGTHENS YOUR RELATIONSHIP: Sex isn’t what defines the marriage, but it’s an extremely important part of it. Sex will not fix a bad marriage, but no sex will probably damage a good one. Don’t underestimate the importance of a healthy sex life in your marriage.

4. IT ELIMINATES “THE ASK”: In most marriages, one partner possesses a higher desire than the other and requests sex more often, while his or her partner rarely asks for physical intimacy. For the spouse with a higher desire, the fear of rejection often sets in. One becomes weary of having to ask, or even beg, for sex on a regular basis. When a couple can agree upon a basic schedule for sex in marriage, it takes the guesswork out. While this still leaves room for occasional spontaneity, it reassures the higher-sex-drive mate that it will happen, and not only that—they know when! Usually the schedule is less often than the partner with a higher desire would want and more frequent than the partner with a lesser desire may want. Instead, it’s meeting on middle ground.

5. IT PROVIDES AN INCENTIVE TO GET THE KIDS TO BED EARLY. Bedtime can be a bit of a war zone when you have little ones. If you have multiple little ones, getting them all down at night can be much like a game of wack-a-mole, once you get one down, the other pops up. BUT you’re willing power through just to have some one-on-one time and intimacy together. It’s worth it.

  • Setting out candles to light in the bedroom
  • Leaving a little note saying your looking forward to your time together
  • Leaving a flower or favorite piece of candy for your spouse to find
  • Texting throughout the day
  • Putting on something lacy, sheer or soft
  • Putting the kids down early
  • Giving a real kiss or long hug before leaving for work
  • Etc

  • Scheduling sex doesn’t take the romance out of it, it just makes it a priority in your marriage. God created sex for pleasure, enjoy it.

    So definitely schedule sex in your marriage … or at least don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

    10 Early Warning Signs That Your Marriage Is Headed For Trouble

    by Trey & Lea | May 29th, 2018

    We don’t believe anyone ever goes looking to have an affair. Instead, affairs happen over time when we let our guard down and quit focusing on our marriages. One of the best things you can do to keep your marriage strong is to pay attention to the signs that your relationship is headed in the wrong direction. So here are ten early warning signs someone may be headed for an affair…

    1) If you have an “It’ll never happen to us” attitude. Don’t EVER let your guard down.

    2) If you confide in someone of the opposite sex about your marriage problems.

    3) If you neglect your marriage and no longer try to meet your spouse’s needs.

    4) If you are not doing regular check-ups with your spouse asking, “How are we doing?”

    5) If you are not being proactive in the growth of your marriage.

    6) If you focus all your energy and attention on your children and not your marriage.

    7) If you are locking your phone from your spouse, or deleting texts or Facebook messages so your spouse won’t see them.

    8) If you only dress down when your spouse is around, and never up.

    9) If you are keeping secrets or hiding things from your spouse about a friendship you have with someone of the opposite sex.

    10) If there has been a huge drop off in intimacy or none at all.